The Invisible Library

Weekend Political Roundup

So what a week for us pinko commie liberals or what?

1. The Yellowcake Scandal
2. Rush’s Racist Remarks
3. Rush’s Pill scandal
4. Arnold a Hitler Loving Groper

First let me say I do not take pleasure in the misfortune of others. That’s just mean.

But:

1. When the President undermines National Security by allowing a member of his chief of staff to leak the identity of an undercover CIA Agent and not rush to clean up the mess but just dismiss it as no big deal, it makes me mad. And when I get mad, I do not wish the provocateur of my ire any good will. This is approximately the millionth scandal to turn its bloodshot eye on Bush but he’s not sticking his head in the sand and letting this one pass on by. No Sir. Write your Congressperson and senator and demand an independent Counsel. If it was good enough to investigate a blow job, it’s good enough to investigate potential Treason.

2. And Rush deserves to be fired from ESPN because he’s a big idiot.

3. And Rush, well he’s an idiot. I think I mentioned this. And if he does have a pill problem (with Hillbilly heroin, no less!) he should get help for his problem and perhaps reevaluate his pinheaded position on our country’s draconian drug laws. On second thought, maybe prison would be good for him after all.

4. As for Arnie, when it comes down to that either he’s a habitual liar or a closet Nazi who likes to molest women, is either a quality you want in a leader? This is not the man who should be governing a spelling bee (seriously, with that poor a grasp of English?) let alone a whole frickin state! For any of my friends in LA reading this, you’d better be voting No on Recall, Yes on Bustemante or we’re going to have some problems.

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On the bookish front, I hope everyone’s enjoying storytime. I’ve been fascinated by Flash Fiction for some time and if you like my humble efforts today, you’ll love tomorrow’s little gem. In the meantime, check out Barry Yourgrau (his link is over on the right, under fiction) he’s the hands down master of the flash fiction genre. I hope to have more such pieces up in the future but until then, read the first three chapters of my novel.

Storytime, Part 2

The Other Noah

Not many people know that Noah had a twin sister, who was crazy. The family didn�t talk about her much. Baba was struck bonkers by God as punishment for her not wanting to have babies like all the other women. But even before The Great and Powerful He whacked her upside the head with his Gonzo stick, Baba wanted to be a sailor. To loose herself in the sea, drink rum with Phoenician pirates and make love on a pile of sailing canvas under the full moon…

Noah did what any good brother would do with a crazy sibling: he locked her in a closet and fed her dates and a little bit of couscous every day. Until the business with the flood. Once Noah was contracted to build a cruise ship big enough for polar bears and penguins and every species of mouse in the world, he didn�t have much time to care for his sister. Neither did his wife or sons or their wives. So Noah trained a spider monkey named Hennessey to feed his nutty sister dates and carry his hammer.

Now, Noah was a compassionate man for his time and built a little room at the top of a mast for his sister and there she sat, kicking her legs, shouting out nauticalisms and singing sea shanties, tickled to finally be at sea. But Noah had two of every cockatoo and cockroach to mind so that left little time for Baba. Misses Noah was busy too, sweeping up after elephants and orangutans and so were his sons and their wives. Hennessey was the only monkey on the ark that had a moment to spare and he felt sorry for her, stuck up in the crow�s nest with just two little blackbirds nesting in her hair, pecking at her ears.

On the fortieth day of rain, Hennessey snuck into the broom closet and fetched a rope ladder. He waited until that night, when Noah and Misses Noah and all their sons and their wives were zonked from a day of bathing hippos. Then he shimmied up the mast with the rope ladder and helping Baba down so she could stretch her legs.

The moon came out and the sky was clear and Baba was thrilled to have run of the ship. She made Hennessey her first mate and they charted a new course, sailing into new directions and unknown latitudes. They chased the tail of Great Leviathan and were the first people ever to become lost in the Bermuda Triangle, which is why it took them forty more days, even after the rain stopped to find land again.

Noah was livid.

He locked her with the animals in the hold and even after they scuttled the Ark on Mount Ararat and the floodwaters drained off into the sewers, Noah left her in the Ark with just Hennessey the spider monkey and a head full of imaginary adventures to keep her company. But Baba didn�t care. She hung her daydreams from the rafters of the ark, right next to the bird�s nests and spider�s webs, right where the moon could see them every night when it peeked through the window.

Storytime…

A Fish Story

Just before dawn at the Seafood market a fishmonger named Alfonso Dragnet is startled when a carp to be made into gefilte fish mutters, �No Good can come of this,� and, �Beware of men with mustaches!�

Mr. Dragnet falls into a stack of slimy packing crates, stumbles to his feet and runs to the shop entrance where he grabs the sleeve of the shop�s owner, Mr. Gregor Hamfist.

�The fish… It, it talks!� Alfonso whispers.

Mr. Hamfist, accustomed to Mr. Dragnet�s practical jokes, raises a skeptical eyebrow but accompanies the spooked fishmonger into the back to see for himself.

The carp swivels its watery eye up at both men and says, �Can I have a glass of water?�

In a fit, Mr. Hamfist grabs a cleaver from the chopping block. Whack! The fish�s head flies into the gutter.

The fish is later sold to Mrs. Rosario Waddle, a nice old grandmother who serves it that night to her family, boiled in a fine soup, with a little tarragon sprinkled on top.