The Invisible Library

How PoMo is That?

Jessa Crispin, everyone’s favorite Bookslut informs us that Thomys Pynchon will be making an appearence on the Simpsons.

My God can Kick Your God’s Ass
(and Other Great Literary Themes)

The Slaktivist is doing a righteous analysis of the Left Behind Series. I highly recommend it (the Slaktivist�s Analysis, not the Series, which I wouldn�t recommend for all the books in the Library of Congress, for reasons I�ll get to in a minute).

Now, it will come as no surprise to my regular readers when I say that I am not a Christian. I�m not anything, in particular, other than a human being who is deeply concerned about the state of affairs on our planet. And to be perfectly honest, the Left Behind Series scares me. Not because of the daffy and questionable theology or the wooden writing, or Le Hay and Jenkin�s prolific reliance on clich�s. What scares me about the Left Behind Series is its popularity.

Now, I�ve come to terms with the wild popularity of bad writing in general. Stephen King and I have reconciled our differences and over a few drinks this past summer at his cabin, I even conceded that he is a good story teller, even if his stories aren�t the most original and lack that ineffable poetic quality that I look for in quality writing. But hay, the guy�s got like thirty eight children to support and he make shis living as a writer, which I envy.

But the LB Series is different. They aren�t well told. They�re really awfully told. I mean it. Just dreadful. And I have a soft spot for some pretty stiffly written Science Fiction books, like Edgar Rice Burroughs� Warlord of Mars books.

But for some unfathomable reason, the LB series is wildly popular and this popularity is almost exclusively centered amongst semi-illiterate people whose only other reading consists of poorly translated versions of the Bible. People who take these thinly veiled Hellfire and Brimstone Sermons as a detailed guideline of what actually, really and truly WILL HAPPEN, you�d better believe it, Next Tuesday after Lunch.

This is what scares me.

Somewhere along the line, they forgot what we all learned in our Middle School English class concerning metaphor and simile, poetic image and fable. And by They, I�m referring to Jerry B. Jenkins and Timothy Le Hay. Sure, their most die hard fans have only a tenuous grasp on the nuances of literary symbolism as well but that�s not the author�s fault. That blame falls squarely on the heads of the ineffectual teachers and poor education system of our country.

And no, I�m not adding any fuel to the �Class Warfare� Meme. There are wealthy as well as poor people who believe this Bullshit. Corporate leaders and waitresses. Truck drivers and, unfortunately, Presidents of the United States. And that is the real scary idea: Nuclear powered Evangelicals.

The Price of Filling the World With Wonder

Jesse Popp, guest blogging for Neal Pollock informs us that David Blaine who gets out of his box tonight after 44 days won’t be able to have sex for three more days:

MAGICIAN David Blaine has been banned from having sex during his first three days of freedom - because it could kill him.

The food-starved illusionist will leave his glass box tonight after his 44-day stunt.

But medics have told him that he could suffer a fatal heart attack if he has sex with girlfriend Manon von Gerkan before Thursday.

A Blaine team insider said: “The first three days are crucial because the body is so weak and lacking in energy. We’ve been taking lots of medical advice and we’ve been told that, although he may feel fine when he first comes out, the smallest thing could kill him.

“That includes eating the wrong thing or too much physical exertion, especially sex.

“I’d hate to be the person who tells him that as he’s been for 44 days without even touching his girlfriend, who is stunning.”

Blaine, who has lost nearly three stone from his 14 stone frame, will be taken straight to hospital after leaving the box at Tower Bridge, London, at 9.30 this evening. Ambulances will take him to an undisclosed private hospital for tests.

The 30-year-old will also be fed a special diet to replace a lack of salts in his body, possibly through a nasal tube. He will be fed a formula consisting of 42 per cent dried skimmed milk, 32 per cent edible oil, and 25 per cent sucrose, plus vitamin and mineral supplements.

And that’s not even the worst news for Mr. Blaine.

Personally, I’m at a loss for this latest trick of his. I got the being buried alive for three days trick. And being frozen in ice. I even understood his whole standing for thirty days on a pillar. These are nothing compared with his more subtle and mind blowing street magic but hay, a magician’s gotta eat and sponsors pay big to be the ones to show someone doing something screwed up and potentially fatal. I hope he goes back to card tricks and resurrecting pigeons soon.