I’m pleased to anounce that the Invisible Library is now a member of the Dreaded Liberal Coalition. Fear us for we bring progressive ideas! Activist Enthusiasm! Cake!
OK, the cake is disputable. But I hear there is cheese involved, so that’s something.
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
You are Gaius Caesar Germanicus - better known as Caligula!
Third Emperor of Rome and ruler of one of the most powerful empires of all time, your common name means “little boots”. Although you only reigned for four years, brief even by Roman standards, you still managed to garner a reputation as a cruel, extravagant and downright insane despot. Your father died in suspicious circumstances, you were not the intended heir, and one of your first acts as Emperor was to force the suicide of your father-in-law. Your sister Drusilla died that same year; faced with allegations that your relationship with her had been incestuous, you responded, bafflingly, by declaring her a god.
You revived a number of unpopular traditions, including auctions of properties left over from public shows. When a senator fell asleep at one such auction, you took each of his nods as bids, selling him 13 gladiators for a vast sum. You attempted to have your horse, Incitatus, made into a consul and hence one of the most powerful figures in Rome. It was granted a marble stable with jewels and a staff of servants. At one point you forced your comrade Macro to kill himself - in much the same vein as your father-in-law - accusing him of being his wife’s pimp. You, of course, were having an affair with said wife at the time.
Things went from bad to worse. When supplies of condemned men ran short in the circus, you had innocent spectators dragged into the arena with the lions to fill their place. You claimed mastery of the sea by walking across a three-mile bridge of boats in the Bay of Naples; kissed the necks of your lovers, whispering sweet nothings like “This lovely neck will be chopped as soon as I say so,”; dallied with your sister’s lover and made her pull her unborn child out of her womb prematurely. Towards the end of your reign, you had a golden statue of yourself made and dressed each day in the same clothes you yourself wore. When you eventually died, the terrified people of Rome refused to believe that such a cruel reign could ever end, and believed you to be alive for years afterwards.
Everyone in the Blogosphere is talking about President Gore�s announcement this week to start a new Space Race with China but I want to add my two cents worth to the aether.
Now I�ve been as much a critic of the Gore administration as the next person. He hasn�t always followed through on the lofty goals he promised us back in 2000 but he has made a few crucial steps in a progressive direction, like strong-arming Putin into signing the Kyoto accord and not joining in on the war fervor that built up after 9/11. Sure, he sold us out to the WTO but so did Clinton and it�s not as if a Republican President wouldn�t have either (could you imagine what President Bush would have done? I shudder to think at the depths of Corporate Cronyism that would come with such a bastard administration).
I give Gore credit where it�s do, though. He�s made a lot of progress in beefing up port and airline security and he�s already set the goal of an Oil Free America by 2012 and despite the attempts by Congressional Republicans, actually put the necessary research money where his mouth is. Handing the reconstruction of Afghanistan over to the UN was a good idea, too, regardless of what the Pundits say. We certainly don�t want to look like Laurence of Arabia, forcing our values on an Arab country that is already rife with tribal infighting, especially after the way we blew the hell out of the country looking for bin Laden. And what with the sanctions against the Saudis, we�re running out of friends in the Middle East.
In my opinion, the announcement that we are ramping up our Space program again will be the shining moment in the Gore Administration. And I don�t say this sort of thing lightly.
Gore�s speech at Kitty Hawk was a nice touch as well:
It�s time to stop living in fear. We�ve seen the face of terror and found that it is not some demon with a tongue of fire but an all too human enemy, one with the same weaknesses and failings as all people who would use fear as a weapon to halt civilization�s progress.
Fancy rhetoric aside, a good, friendly, competitive race to the moon with the Chinese would benefit both countries in two ways:
First, as a positive goal for us as a nation. We�ve all been in a funk since 9/11. It was a black eye, to be sure but grandiose visions are what make America great and there�s nothing quite as grand as returning to the Moon. It gives all us Space Cadets a Buck Rogers hardon: daydreams of shiny domed moon cities, space suits with fishbowl helmets and the rush of liftoff! America was at it�s noblest when we were striving for something greater than ourselves back in the sixties. Kennedy�s call to have a man on the Moon by the end of that decade gave Americans and the whole world hope that the future could be not just bright, but luminous as a star. And this New Space Race could do that again.
Secondly, it will help us cement friendly relations with China. They’d help get us back on track as a country and get our head out of our ass, and we’d help them become more open and democratic.
There are the usual opponents to this space age dreaming and is anyone surprised that they�re all Republican? Senator Cheney thinks we need to have big ol� tax cuts for the rich, to drain off that annoying budget surplus. Voodoo Economics didn�t work during the Reagan years, what makes Dick �I�ve got the heart of a baboon heart and the brain of a pig� Cheney think it�d be anything but a way to waste money now? Personally, I think using the budget surplus accrued from the Clinton years is just the way to do it, no matter what Governor Bush thinks (That blowhard is just sour over having his ass handed to him back in 2000 and loony to boot. What the hell is with his blathering about a need to invade Iraq? Hello, George, it was your boys the Saudis that pulled down the towers, not Saddam. Or did you not read your copy of the 9/11 report? Go back to Crawford and peddle that Oedipal nonsense to the lump in the bed).
And yes, I admit it. I have personal reasons for wanting to see a shiny new space program: I�m a big Sci-Fi geek. (Have you seen the Generation II Space Shuttle?!) I grew up watching Buck Rogers and Star Trek with my father on Sunday afternoons. It shaped the way I look at the future. And I don�t think I�m alone when I say that I�ve dreamed of living on the Moon since I was a kid and now that it�s finally the twenty first century, we should be doing everything we can to make sure those sorts of dreams come true because they ennoble us all.
