The Trilogy Curse

I was almost certain that Spider-Man 3 would be suck-proof. I was a chump.

Too many characters, all of them crying and some of the most unmotivated emotional turnarounds I’ve ever seen in a movie. It was Spider Man and his Schizoid Friends, Bi-Polar Boy and Insecure Girl.

Venom was completely unnecessary. He was on screen for maybe ten minutes and added nothing to the story. But then, that basically describes venom in the comics as well, so it should have been expected.

Gwen Stacy was completely underused as a character. She is supposed to have been Spider Man’s first great love. Instead, she’s the other woman for about five minutes, then disappears only to show up a Harry’s funeral because… she somehow knew Harry? Really? How? When?

Sandman was good. I wish there had simply been more for him to do, and there would have been, if they hadn’t decided to shoehorn Venom into the movie.

Also, half the time, Spider-Man is running around with his mask off. He wears a mask for a reason but I guess the Studio decided that seeing Toby Maguire being Emo was more important than story or continuity.

The movie would have been fine without Venom or Gwen Stacy. Focus on the Harry, Peter, MJ love triangle with the Sandman subplot (and maybe add in the Vulture, as played by Ben Kingsly as a flying criminal mastermind manipulating Sandman and also having a hand in the death of Peter’s uncle). Save Gwen Stacy as the sub plot for the next film, with Bruce Campbell as Mysterio. Number 5 can be about the wedding of MJ and Peter, as interrupted by the Lizard and Shocker. Save Venom for number 6 or better yet, number not at all.

But on the bright side, there really is no way Pirates of the Caribbean 3 will suck, right? Update: 5/28: yes, I was right. Much better!