In a Post LHC World, Anything Can Happen

You may have noticed this week that the world was not destroyed. While this tends to happen on a fairly regular basis, this week the world didn’t blow up in spite of unfounded concern about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). Some people were afraid that by turning on the LHC, the world would be converted into Strange Matter, sucked into a micro black hole or would in some other way befall a fate worse than a mediocre episode of Stargate SG-1.

Or maybe it did.

Perhaps by turning on the LHC,* the fundamental properties of physics have gone subtly but irrevocably boink. You can’t tell, see, because we’re on this side of the event horizon and everything on Earth 2 is at an oblique angle to how things were on Earth 1.

For example:

On Earth 1, John McCain said that governors and mayors weren’t experienced enough to be Vice President or President while in Earth 2, he nominated Sarah Palin, who is now a world renowned Russian expert due solely to her being able to see Russia from the Governor’s mansion in Alaska.**

Also, on Earth 2, the US Army has a super secret weapon that is as revolutionary¬† in modern warfare as the tank or the nuclear bomb. You just can’t, you know, see it. My guess? Yaks with laser beam eyes. It’s a post-LHC world, baby. If the GOP can field a woefully unqualified soccer mom for the VP slot and still be taken seriously, then yaks now have laser beam eyes. QED, bitches.

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* The large hadrons are not yet colliding, as the proton flow is only going in one direction. At near the speed of light. How cool is that? So long as they don’t cross the streams, we should be OK.

** Which means that, because I can see the moon form my window, I am now an astronaut. Suck on it, Neil Armstrong!