The Universe Has Gone All Wobbly

So, Joaquin Phoenix has apparently quit the film industry to become a rapper.

I… hold on. Wait, let that sink in a moment…You know that scene in Being John Malkovich where Malkovich tells his agent he wants to be a puppeteer? Yeah, that was weird. So anyway, this is apparently not a belated April fool’s joke but reality just fucking with our heads. Typical.

In other news, I am quitting the library world to become an astronaut.

Well sure, what else is new?

Glad you asked:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”

So brazen a perversion of the opening lines of Pride and Prejudice, one of Britain’s best-loved novels, will doubtless give Jane Austen fans more than a touch of the vapours. One of the masterpieces of English literature has been retitled Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, rewritten with “all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action”, stripped of its considerable dignity and bloodied up for the delectation of the horror-loving masses.

Yes, the LA-based television writer Seth Grahame-Smith has reworked the famous romance as a brain-munching zombie yarn. In his mash-up, a plague of the undead haunts the placid villages of 19th-century England. Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy are now as ardent and effective as brutal zombie killers as they are as sparring lovers. The publishers hope this reimagining of the novel will broaden its appeal to “legions of blood-hungry new fans”.

[…] The new version, which is illustrated with line drawings of zombie-killing mayhem in the style of CE Brock (who illustrated the original), is on the verge of becoming a pop-cult phenomenon. Even before the book was published, it had shot up the bestseller lists, landing at No 12 on the Amazon charts last week. Natalie Portman has signed to star as Elizabeth Bennet in a film version to be directed by Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko).

My Emphasis, because, well, that’s just cool.

This is why I like the Future: dropping zombies into classical literature, and actors doing just whatever the hell they want, all driven purely by a desire to find a new way to express the inexpressible. What a world.