The Scarlett Galabekian Connundrum

PZ Myers and I apparently have the same fans. Or we get hit by the same spam, which is the same thing right? Don’t believe me? This email from our mutual pal, Serge assures us that Scarlett Johansson is really a clone of some woman named Scarlett Galabekian and that, being the same perso, Scarlett Johansson should be set free, or incur the wrath of… Serge:

IT IS NOT A SPAM, but if you received that message second and plus time JUST CLICK ?DELETE? button and have a nice day. Don’t feel bad, please understand original Scarlett’s family very desperate to shut down that humiliating antichristian “actress” clones line career development. Hello dear Ladies and Gentlemen! I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson ?actress? actually is a clone from original person Scarlett Galabekian last name, who has nothing with acting career, surname Galabekian, because of adoption happened in 1992. Clones was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy),most important – CHRISTIAN young lady! I’ll tell you more,those clones (it’s not only one) made in GERMANY – world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, Rhineland-Palatinate, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning! Helmut Kohl clone staff strictly controlling all their clones (at least they trying) spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Original person is not happy with those movies, images, video, rumors and etc. spreading on media in that way it would be really nice if we all will try slow down that ”actress” career development, original Scarlett will really appreciated that. Please remember that original Scarlett Galabekian family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created in it was and it is stolen. It all need to be delivered to authorize personals control in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Original Scarlett never was engaged, by the way! Her close friend Serge G. P.S. CONTROLLING ACTIVITY OF ANY CLONES IS US MILITARY OPERATION. Check also here: H.R. 534, the Human Cloning Prohibition Act of 2003, was introduced to the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2003. After discussion, it was passed on February 27 by a vote of 241-155. It now moves on to the Senate for consideration. This bill makes it unlawful for any person or entity to perform or participate in human cloning, or to ship or receive embryos produced by human cloning. The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more. These now join other nations as diverse as Norway, Australia, and many other countries, which had already added cloning for any purpose to their criminal code. And in Germany where it carries a penalty of five years imprisonment they know a thing or two about unethical science.

You’ll notice some subtle variations in the grammar and sentence structure of the email that PZ received and the above email I recieved and which is assuredly not spam, as it says so in the first line, ALL IN CAPITOL LETTERS. Therefore! We can deduce that this is not merely a hoax or some far fetched lunatic’s ramblings, sent out across the flurosphere in widiening gyres of intensity. No! This is the Truth, in all it’s glory and majesty.

But what to do about the Scarlett Johansson/ Scarlett Galabekian connumdrum? Obviosuly, some poor woman (who is nice and not  d**n sexy), has been mercilessly cloned in a fashion that is not at all the method prefered by Jesus and now there’s an army of evil (and d**n sexy) clones running aorund, making a spectacle and ruining the very niceand Christian name of Scarlett by being an army of well regarded profeshional actresses married to a Canadian. A Canadian! This will not stand, people! We must send the military to stop Woody Allen from continuing to employ these Scarletts Johanson in another one of his film. That is clearly the only way to end the reign of these not nice and d**n sexy actress Nazi clones who are ruing the life of some completely obscure and not at all fictitious Christian woman, who just wants to live her life and be nice and not at all d**n sexy.

Fuckign hot Nazi clones. When will they learn?