The War on Planet Earth

If, like me, you’re wondering what’s up with Republicans these days. We’re used to them being sour, belligerent, classist and even a wee bit racist. It’s well documented that the GOP just doesn’t care much for people of color, women, gays, or the poor or people with different or even no religious affiliation. In the past they’ve at least pretended that this was not the case. They gave lip service to American standards of morality and the social contract. But we hedonistic socialists have just kept pushing them, taking more freedoms and liberties that just aren’t ours. Now, the Republicans are fighting back. And they’ve taken off the kid gloves, people!

They’ve started by attempting to demonize Muslims, homosexuals and women and have moved on to actively trying to starve the poor and deny medical care to children and the elderly. In Texas, always a laboratory for Republican ideas, state Republicans are trying to rewrite history books, excising anything that smells like liberal progress, up to and including mentions of the labor movement, the fact that Texas once belonged to Mexico (because brown people live there) and downplaying the role of Thomas Jefferson in creating the nation, because you know, fuck that guy, right? What did he ever do for this country? damn pinko didn’t really even believe in God! But that’s just stage one in the fight for the future of this country and this world.

No longer content with fighting those pernicious “scientific” theories of evolution, gravity and electromagnetism, the GOP has declared all out war on the Earth itself. Not just the people of the Earth (they’ve hated us for freakin’ ever) but the biosphere. It’s gotten so bad that most people don’t even realize how far down the road to totalitarian socialism the planet has led us. Mammals and reptiles are allowed to just walk around with no clothes on like some Hippie love in, without a concern for common Christian decency or good manners. I mean, you’re sitting there right now, breathing air — for free — and no one is saying a thing. Hell, on some parts of the planet, food literally grows on trees!

Well at least we have the Republican party to try and stem this horrible tide of free air and sunshine and dangerously unclothed animals. Rest assured, the GOP will not stop until they have rid the planet of breathable air, visible light, socialist vegetation and if at all possible, life as we know it. And it’s about time, because I don’t know if our precious free market economy can take much more of this unfettered access to the things that make life possible.