Release the Newts!

So it looks like Newt Gingrich is going to run for president. The debates should be fun.

Newt: Hi, most of you have no idea who I am because I haven’t held a public office in 15 years but I’m the guy who impeached the last wildly popular Democrat in the White House. Elect me President and I’ll do my best to discredit the guy who killed Usama Bin Laden. I’ll probably lower your taxes, too. So long as you’re rich.

Obama: Hey everybody. My wicked hot wife and I were just talking about how I killed Bin Laden and made sure you all got some healthcare. Did I mention I killed Bin Laden?

Yeah. So. This should be fun to watch because as we all know, America loves nothing more than a thrice-divorced sanctimonious prick telling them that they need to suck it up and be poor so that Newt can afford to cheat on his third wife. But don’t worry, he’s totally Catholic now, so he’ll have the marriage annulled when he decides to trade up for the younger, fourth wife. And Jesus is totally OK with that.