I’m Still Here, How About You?

So the rapture came and went and no one flew off to Heaven. At least, no one out of the ordinary. And by “Flew off to Heaven” I mean “died.” because really, that’s what we’re talking about when we say “Rapture”. It’s people dieing, en mass. Or not dying en mass, as the case may be. other than 89 people who died in a series of tornado strikes in Missouri and really, if God has sub-contracted the Rapture out to the Great and Powerful Oz, well, is that really the sort of God you want to spend all eternity worshiping? Not me.

But here we are (most of us anyway) still on Earth, shouting into the void and hoping to hear back the echo of an answer. Wonder what kooky religious belief we’ll get to spend a weekend mocking on Twitter and Facebook? I vote for circumcision but then I think that’s a bullshit practice anyway, worthy of mocking until it goes away. Maybe next month we can all make fun of Transubstantiation, thought hat takes up an awful lot of our 140 characters so maybe we need something with fewer syllables.

We all got a good laugh making fun of the Rapture believers and their desire to be beamed up to heaven so they don’t have to deal with the indignities of the slow, wasting death that awaits most of us. But really, the Rapture isn’t objectively any less silly than any other religious belief, up to and including the belief held by millions that there’s a benevolent man in the sky who watches everything and gets really irate when you masturbate.

My hope is, one day soon, we’ll just mock belief in God for an afternoon, and afterwards, most of the people who professed to believe in such a silly superstition will quietly update their Facebook status to agnostic and pretend they never really did go in for all that medieval fairy tale nonsense. Then we can all get back to the important stuff, like watching super hero movies.

Updated to add: If you couldn’t fit this end of the world scenario into your busy schedule, there are plenty of other dates to choose from.