And the Winner of the, “Dumbest Thing Said on the Internet Ever” Award Goes To…

Dr. Keith Ablow, for his OpEd, “Newt Gingrich’s three marriages mean he might make a strong president — really”

O RLY?

Really!

Former Speaker of the House and Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich was attacked Thursday in an interview on ABC News by his second wife Marianne. She accused him of beginning an affair with his current wife Callista while Marianne and he were still married (which Mr. Gingrich admits). She also accused him of lobbying her for an open marriage that would allow him to continue seeing Callista without getting divorced (a claim Gingrich denies).
Well, in any case, no open marriage was in the offing, and the Speaker married his current and third wife.
As I have written before for Fox News Opinion, I don’t think voters belong in a candidate’s bedroom. But the media can’t seem to help itself from trying to castrate candidates for the prurient pleasure of the public.

Keep in mind, MoFo is talking about Newt “Prosecuted Impeachment Proceedings Against Bill Clinton For Doing Exactly The Same Fucking Thing” Gingrich. And by “Doing Exactly The Same Fucking Thing” I mean being a douchebag on top of being a philandering dickwad, by asking his wife for an open marriage so he could have some Strange on the side. Which you’ll note, Bill Clinton never did. So he’s actually a worse husband thn Bill Clinton by several fucking miles.

So. Now that we’re up to speed on that, here’s this:

I will tell you what Mr. Gingrich’s personal history actually means for those of us who want to right the economy, see our neighbors and friends go back to work, promote freedom here and abroad and defeat the growing threat posed by Iran and other evil regimes.

It’s funny how Conservatives hate Iran so much but want to make the US exactly like it. The only difference is they want women in the US to wear prairie dresses instead of burqas like there’s any difference. Both say,”I can’t deal with women as sexual equals and so instead will force them to cosplay like it’s still the 19th century.” Ironically, Newt would have gotten his open marriage and his three wives had he actually moved to Iran and converted to Islam. Apparently they dig that shit over there.

And nothing says champion of the diplomatic process like referring to a sovereign nation as an evil regime. I bet they’re just dying to have us over for cocktail wienies and diet soda.

I want to be coldly analytical, not moralize, here. I want to tell you what Mr. Gingrich’s behavior could mean for the country, not for the future of his current marriage. So, here’s what one interested in making America stronger can reasonably conclude—psychologically—from Mr. Gingrich’s behavior during his three marriages:

1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.

2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.

3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible.

Conclusion:

“The fault lies not in the stars but in the laps of these bitches, who just had to break off a piece of that Newton Leroy Gingrich.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the subtext. Also, Newt Gingrich was never told “No!” enough as a child and so grew up to be a spoiled, insulated twat who thinks he’s entitled to treat other people like shit and be rewarded for it by becoming Emperor of the World.

In Conclusion: Vote Newt in ’12!