Want to Save the World? Raise Taxes

Stephen King wants to pay more taxes:

If you want to pay more, pay more, they said.

Tired of hearing about it, they said.

Tough shit for you guys, because I’m not tired of talking about it. I’ve known rich people, and why not, since I’m one of them? The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes to Uncle Sugar. It’s true that some rich folks put at least some of their tax savings into charitable contributions. My wife and I give away roughly $4 million a year to libraries, local fire departments that need updated lifesaving equipment (Jaws of Life tools are always a popular request), schools, and a scattering of organizations that underwrite the arts. Warren Buffett does the same; so does Bill Gates; so does Steven Spielberg; so do the Koch brothers; so did the late Steve Jobs. All fine as far as it goes, but it doesn’t go far enough.

What charitable 1 percenters can’t do is assume responsibility—America’s national responsibilities: the care of its sick and its poor, the education of its young, the repair of its failing infrastructure, the repayment of its staggering war debts. Charity from the rich can’t fix global warming or lower the price of gasoline by one single red penny. That kind of salvation does not come from Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Ballmer saying, “OK, I’ll write a $2 million bonus check to the IRS.” That annoying responsibility stuff comes from three words that are anathema to the Tea Partiers: United American citizenry.

This message is going to be a hard sell tot he American populace, who have been told by heard the GOP for the last 40 years that raising taxes is evil, a sin not unlike kicking puppies and raping grandma. They claim a marginal increase on the 1% is tantamount to class warfare. Except that class warfare doesn’t involve taxes, it involves guillotines and nooses, pitchforks and torches. You know, actual warfare.

Look, rich people, it’s simple: Taxes are the dues you pay for living in civilized society. You’re lucky to have the opportunity. So shut up and pay your taxes.

Do your patriotic duty. You claim that America is the home of the free and land of opportunity.  Well, just like a venture capitalist, America invested in you. This country fostered your creativity, gave you the opportunity for education and the elbow room to try that risky buisiness. Now that it’s paid off, it’s time for you to pay back that seed money. Pay your taxes.

You like to claim this is a Christian nation, so do the Christian thing and help your neighbor. Charity doesn’t cut it, so pay your taxes.

Or else.