The Invisible Library

Where did the week go? Seriously, I had grand plans. I was going to rant about the government, pontificate about the Pope and generally chew the scenery. Then Wednesday night we went and saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I’ve been on a nice little buzz ever since and have let the other stuff fall by the wayside (except for my real writing.* News about my novel will be forth coming).

Harry Potter was great! I had some trepidation going in– after all, translating a 900 page novel into a 2 1/2 hour movie means some pretty big ideas are bound to be omitted but all in all, a satisfying movie. Thing’s moved rather fast, Harry wasn’t as whiny as he was, for as long as he was in the book and all the high points of the story were hit and in an effective manner. Any film maker out there wondering how to turn that giant door stop of a novel into a cohesive movie that still maintains the spirit of the author’s intent should use Order of the Phoenix as their model. Sure, I would have liked to have seen a few more character moments but what is there is great. the actors have all grown into these roles and I think that is the key to the success of the picture. Doing so much with so little is not easy and these actors, al of them children, manage to do something other actors twice their age have problems with. Bravo to them!

Now it’s off to play Super Mario Bros. 2 on the Wii get some writing done!

Just saw Transformers and it was everything I expected: big and loud. Cars turned into robots. Things exploded. A good time was had by all.

One question though: What is this?

Update: Phil Plait, the best bad astronomer around, reviews the science of the movie. He too wants to know what’s up with this whole Cloverfield thing.

People just don’t trust pirates. I suppose this is a given, in that they are, after all, pirates. They’ll cut your throat if it gives them the upper hand and rifle through your pockets before you’ve even hit the ground but still, they have an honor about them, and their resilience and tenacity, not to mention their resourcefulness, is never to be underestimated.

Which is all my way of saying that a lot of reviewers don’t know what they’re talking about when they say Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End isn’t as good as the previous films. In a lot of ways it’s better. complaints about the murkiness of the plot are unfounded– certainly, the details can get complicated but it’s only a challenge for those who can’t stomach a little moral ambiguity and don’t get that pirates will change allegiance at the drop of a hat, any hat, and sometimes just for fun.

I have to admit, I was suspicious going in to the theater. Having so recently been burned by Spider man 3 in all its god awfulness, I was hesitant, expecting that perhaps the filmmakers had decided to just cash in and coast on the popularity of the previous films. So I was presently surprised to discover a really fun and satisfying movie. No it’s no Godfather, obviously, but not every movie has to aspire to be the greatest ever. Some should, now and again, but an action adventure movie about Pirates isn’t that movie and to expect it to try and be something it is not is setting oneself up for disappointment (which, by the way is one of the themes of the pirates movies so there are still some greater themes to be had even if none named Corleone is involved). So, no, it wasn’t the Godfather. But even more importantly, it wasn’t the Godfather 3.

Some reviewers have criticised Orlando Bloom’s performance, saying that it was wooden and two dimensional which is plainly unfair. He has the burden of being the Good Guy who has to make tough decisions, which doesn’t exactly leave a lot of wiggle room for camping it up or soul searching. He’s our Errol Flynn, after all. But he does manage to breathe life and depth and genuine emotion into a character that could so easily be just a cardboard cutout. And his ultimate fate adds a few shades of gray to his character that go beyond the stereotypical hero anyway.

Johnny Depp as Captain Jack is, let’s face it, the real reason anyone is going to see this movie. Here is a character for the ages. Morally ambiguous, the rouge with a heart of gold– he’s everything we want Han Solo to be– a scoundrel who stays a scoundrel while also being a hero. And the scenes with him in Davey Jones Locker are just fantastic, a touch of Terry Gilliam that adds so much while seeming to do nothing but fart around. His affectations and antics should by the third movie, be getting on everyone’s nerves but instead, he’s such a lovable scoundrel that you can’t help but enjoy every moment.

Kiera Knightly, the other main reason to see the film, is solid. Elizabeth Swann has progressed so far from where she began in the first film that it’s hard to keep in mind that it’s the same actress and the same character. And it’s really a far more nuanced character than many people give her credit. here’s a pirate who wants to be a damsel but has to go save the boys from themselves. That she succeeds is only part of the tragedy of her character.

One of the most impressive elements of all three of the Pirate’s movies is the internal mythology. It’s built up gradually, with just enough revealed to show you a view of a larger world without the tedious exposition that usually drags down a fantasy film. We don’t need overly long prologues or opening crawl to set the scene. The film makers and the script writers are confident that the audience will be able to pick up the threads of the back story that are dropped in context of the story without needing more information. And when we do need that Little bit of exposition, we have Mr. Gibbs, the story teller, who lays out the legends in the time honored nautical tradition.

This nautical Tall Tale aspect is the key to the success of these stories as they pull in elements of world mythology that will seem familiar but still are changed enough to suit the unique world of the story. It’s perhaps this worldliness of the Pirate Mythology that is puzzling to some critics. We have a tendency to think of the Caribbean Pirates as American, but Pirate lore is world-spanning (as exemplified by the Nine brethren, who are all based on historical pirates from all parts of the world). This is a movie about the world and what stories we tell ourselves about freedom and ht elives we choose that make living in it bearable.

I was almost certain that Spider-Man 3 would be suck-proof. I was a chump.

Too many characters, all of them crying and some of the most unmotivated emotional turnarounds I’ve ever seen in a movie. It was Spider Man and his Schizoid Friends, Bi-Polar Boy and Insecure Girl.

Venom was completely unnecessary. He was on screen for maybe ten minutes and added nothing to the story. But then, that basically describes venom in the comics as well, so it should have been expected.

Gwen Stacy was completely underused as a character. She is supposed to have been Spider Man’s first great love. Instead, she’s the other woman for about five minutes, then disappears only to show up a Harry’s funeral because… she somehow knew Harry? Really? How? When?

Sandman was good. I wish there had simply been more for him to do, and there would have been, if they hadn’t decided to shoehorn Venom into the movie.

Also, half the time, Spider-Man is running around with his mask off. He wears a mask for a reason but I guess the Studio decided that seeing Toby Maguire being Emo was more important than story or continuity.

The movie would have been fine without Venom or Gwen Stacy. Focus on the Harry, Peter, MJ love triangle with the Sandman subplot (and maybe add in the Vulture, as played by Ben Kingsly as a flying criminal mastermind manipulating Sandman and also having a hand in the death of Peter’s uncle). Save Gwen Stacy as the sub plot for the next film, with Bruce Campbell as Mysterio. Number 5 can be about the wedding of MJ and Peter, as interrupted by the Lizard and Shocker. Save Venom for number 6 or better yet, number not at all.

But on the bright side, there really is no way Pirates of the Caribbean 3 will suck, right? Update: 5/28: yes, I was right. Much better!

Looks like Katie Holmes has been dropped from the Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins. Which isn’t surprising as her performance (or lack thereof) was widely considered the week point in what was othewrwise a solid film.

However, discussing it with Elvira, we couldn’t help but wonder if maybe her new Overlord and all around crazy fuck, Tom Cruise might have had something to do with it. After all, Batman, especially the Christopher Nolan iteration, is one big primer in Abnormal Psychology and given Tom Cruise (and Scientology in general) having a rabid hatred for all things psychological (and rational) it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he didn’t want his blushing zombie-bride even tacitly endorsing psychotherapy. Or getting too near that Heath Ledger. She might be reminded of what she’s missing out here in the real world.

This review is full of spoilers. Just so you know.

Mel Gibson heard tell their were people called Mayans who lived in South America once, before the Spanish arrived and saved them all from idolatry and their own barbarism. So, he made himself a movie, so we too would know all the bloody, cliched details.

Jaguar Paw, our Apocalypto-istic hero, is out huntin’ with pa and the boys, making lame jokes about his buddy, Smoke Frog, who can’t impregnate his wife. JP’s tribe is as obsessed with women having as many babies as those creepy Quiverfull Evangelicals. It’s kinda weird. Anyway, they meet another tribe of people who have been run out of their village and amazingly, can speak the same language. In fact, everyone in pre-Columbian South America speaks the same Mayan dialect, which translates neatly into idiomatic English subtitles. More wacky sexual hijacks ensue when they get back to the village. There’s a party, and we meet JP’s pregnant wife and young son (You can tell he’s our hero because he doesn’t shoot blanks). Oh, and we also meet Smoke Frog’s annoying mother-in-law. For future reference, Mr. Gibson (because I know you’re reading this), the annoying mother-in-law joke was old even then.

In the morning their village is raided and all the women and men are hauled off by scary dude with jawbones on his armor and his warriors. The kids are left behind. I’m sure they’ll be fine. Alone. In the jungle.

During the forced march across the jungle, we meet Little Oracle Annie, who has generic movie pestilence type B and delivers the obligatory prophetic message. JP and the gang arrive in Las Vegas, where they are press ganged into the Blue Man Group. JP narrowly avoids being sacrificed when the world’s fastest eclipse sneaks up on the Mayans. Who invented astronomy. These people devised one of the most intricate and accurate calendars and they’re all surprised by a solar eclipse. or maybe just by the fact that it happens in about a minute and a half.

The king of the dirty, filthy Mayans (who in real life, surprised the hell out of the Spanish by having a large, well organized, clean city) tells Jawbone to take JP and his boys out back and off them, since they don’t need any more heads to roll down steps (sorry guys, bowling league filled up fast this year). The worst game of Football ensues, during which JP escapes with only a minor arrow through the gut. So naturally, Jawbone and his dudes chase after.

The rest of the movie alternates between the standard hunters-become-the-hunted plot (complete with the totally debunked quicksand, angry panther that only our hero can outrun and a slide into home base) and scenes of JP’s wife and son in a hole in the ground where he hid them from the bad guys. Monkeys fall out of they sky and then it starts raining. Mrs. JP struggles not to drown and then gives birth underwater. Seriously, like a little baby rocket, he just launches from betwixt her loincloth. Because labor pains are apparently a Spanish invention. JP manages to kill everyone gruesomely and according to Prophecy Girl’s ramblings. Then the Spanish arrive.

It’s unfortunate that we don’t know all kinds of accurate and anthropologically sound things about the Mayans, or else this film would have really sucked. But at least in Gibsonland, we don’t, so he can just make shit up to stuff his silly Christian ideology into. Apocalypto wasn’t as bad a film as The Passion, because that is physically impossible. But hay, it’s really bloody, so I’m sure Christians will love it.

Wil Weaton answers some of the age old Questions regarding Star Wars:

After about eleven hours of Star Wars movies, though, I wondered: why exactly is the Star Wars trilogy such a big deal to some of us, even though it’s clearly flawed, and ends with a bunch of muppets singing around the campfire? Why do so many of us love it so much? Why did so many of us take it as a personal affront when the new movies and re-releases didn’t meet our expectations? Why did most of us go back twice after Phantom Menace, like we were in a dysfunctional relationship, hoping that if we just worked a little harder, we’d find a pony?

I’ll just add that his criticism is spot on and even though he later recants his criticism of Hayden Christianson’s acting ability (Mr. Weaton is an actor after all, gotta keep it in the family) I will not. He sucks the life out of scenes faster than a Wookie with Bronchitis.

And this marks the last post ever about Star Wars. I’m over it. I have my original theatrical version DVDs and as far as I’m concerned that’s all there is. Han will always shoot first and there is no such person as Jar jar Binks, do you hear?

Besides, we have batter, faster, stronger Sci-fi now and it’s named Battlestar Galactica.

Elvira and I saw the Prestige this weekend and while it was good, we both liked the Illusionist better. Normally I try to avoid comparing movies against one another, as inevitably, you enter the land of apples and oranges.* But it’s almost unavoidable given that both films fall into the genre of 19th Century Magician Drama, which is a niche that no one knew existed until a few months ago and has left me wanting more.

The genre has everything you could ask for: period detail, tight plotting, colorful characters driven by inner demons and desires that are singular, dynamic and tragic in their power to consume lives. The pursuit of wonder in the face of advancing science and a public jaded by the beginnings of mass culture. Scarlet Johansson in a corset. OK, she’s just in the Prestige, but all movies in the Magician Drama should be required, henceforth to have Scarlet Johansson in a corset.

Both films have an amazing cast. Edward Norton, Rufus Sewell and Paul Giamatti in the Illusionist and Christian Bail, Hugh Jackman, Scarlet Johanson, Michael Kane and David Bowie (as Frickin’ Tesla!) in the Prestige. The films are really quite different. One is a story about taking control of ones fate and escaping the constraints of your social class, while the other is a psychological drama about obsession and how far a person will go to get what they want. Brilliant in concept, though perhaps the Prestige was not as well executed as I had hoped. Nothing specific, mind you, just a vague uncertain feeling that, with maybe if Christopher Nolan had given one more pass through the screenplay, the story could have been made just that little bit better. I understand that the movie departs heavily from the book, which I’m now going to have to read, obviously.

I don’t want to ruin the ending of either film so I’ll just say that both are worth seeing, but if you have to pick one 19th Century Magician Drama, wait until the Illusionist comes out on DVD.

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*Obvious exceptions to this rule include remakes and reimaginings.

…is that the trailor for 300 looks frickin’ amazing.

For those who don’t know, the story is a retelling of the Battle of Thermopylae, in which 300 Spartans faught to the death the entire army of the Persian Empire. OK, they had a little help from some other Greek city states but most historians agree that the battle was decidely uneaven, roughly 7000 Greeks up against anywhere between 800,000 and 4 million Persians (accounts differ wildly, and by wildly, I mean they range into numbers that are mythic in dimension, if not outright silly). By the final battle, it was just the Spartans vs Xerxes and his entire army. Thing is, the Spartans didn’t give in. They faught and kept fighting, even after a hail of arrows (remeber that scene in Hero when the sky is black with arrows? That’s how Herodotus described it). By the end of the battle, the Spartans were dead but so were 50,000 Persians.

On September 5th, the Greatest Movie Ever comes out on DVD:

The first of the Godzilla movies, and the most somber and serious in tone, Gojiro was originally a 98-minute Japanese horror film, until a U.S. company bought the rights and reissued the film at 79 minutes, replacing sequences involving a Japanese reporter with new inserts of a dour, pipe-smoking Raymond Burr. Both versions appear together for the first time in this release from Sony Wonder.